Farewell ‘07

It is with great joy in my heart that I bid a not-so-fond farewell to 2007.  This year, quite frankly, has sucked.  I thought it was going to be a good year.  January was the first month that I went completely without my cane (from my Staph infection last year), my Peroneal Neuropathy was completely gone.  I felt like the crappy end to 2006 would make way for a great 2007.  About two months into 2007, I realized that I was wrong.

Back in the hospital with pneumonia twice in just a couple of months.  A few other bouts of pneumonia that I refused to go to the hospital for even though my doctor nearly begged me.  I was through with hospital and wasn’t about to be stuck anymore.  I was suprised that I even had any blood left after my last few hospitalizations.  I guess the two blood transfusions helped top me off when I was running on empty.

The fun continued for months until April when I had what I thought would be my final bout of pnuemonia.  
It wasn’t nearly as harsh as the other times and I was feeling strong and healthy.  I had an ECCO in July which let me know that my Endocarditis would remain inoperative and told that I could resume all normal activities.  There seemed to be no more breaking off of the junk into my lungs, so I was happy that it finally decided to leave me the hell alone.

April also brought me three deaths back to back.  Week after week nearly I got news of someone who died 
from cancer, a couple of weeks later a family member who died in her sleep from some strange combination 
of prescription medication mixed with benadryl.  To think that someone can take something for allergies 
and never wake up is still scary to me.  A couple of weeks after that, more news of death… this time a 
friend to suicide.  A hanging of all things.  It was a very traumatic and strange time in my life.

For weeks after the news of Stacey’s suicide, I would jerk away to a loud knocking sound and a vision of feet swinging.  It is something that I would never wish on anyone… a completely miserable way to start your day.  I became afraid of death… I would think about death and literally become scared; I would get goosebumps and I even began to have no desire to go to bed… completely out of fear.  Wendy died in her sleep, so I nearly feared sleep.  I was later told, to no suprise that their fear was anxiety and completely normal, but I don’t recall ever being this afraid for days on end.

Last year, I was told that I was about 24 hours away from possible brain damage and about 48 hours 
away what could have become a lethal Staph infection.  I got Staph in my right knee and the first night 
that I was hospitalized, they had an extremely inexperienced douche bag come in to butcher my knee.  
They hadn’t given me any medication and wouldn’t until they had confirmed results of what was wrong.  
He had at least four inches worth of needle stabbing under my knee cap as I screamed out in pain.  I 
pulled on the sides of the bed so hard during the procedure that I injured two fingers, nearly breaking 
my index finger.  Believe it or not the only thing that distracted me is my husband deciding to ask me 
questions about JavaScript… I swear, I am not making that bit up.

The next day, I literally could not move I was in pain from head to toe.  The Staph had spread into my 
blood and I felt it in every inch of my body.  It hurt to lift my finger… if I was ever left alone, someone 
would have to leave the nurse pager in my hand, because I couldn’t life my arms I was in so much pain.  
And this was even after I was on an IV injection of a pain killer, Dillaudid, which is commonly used on 
cancer patients and is supposed to be stronger than Morphine.  For the first week, I seemed like nothing 
more than baby aspirin.  I had a series of tests and would beg them not to move me because I hurt so bad.  
I had a heart rate of 115-120 for a couple of days so they decided to do a TEE (http://www.heartsite.com/html/tee.html).  This is when I was admitted to the Cardiology ward and put on round the clock heart monitoring and was diagnosed with Endocarditis that was a side affect of the Staph infection.

I couldn’t even stand for over a week and it took me two weeks to start walking again.  That was in October
 of last year.  By December, I was almost completely off of my cane and had stopped my first round of IV 
antibiotics that month as well.  I had a PIC-LINE in my right arm for two months… the strangest things… it goes into a vein on the inside of your 
upper arm and they run this tube like five or six inches up into an artery in your shoulder.  This way the 
medicine went straight to my heart.  So, for those two months, 4 times a day I would have to inject 
four huge syringes full of medication and heparin into the long tube that I kept bandaged up on my arm. It made for a few interesting stares at work… Ha!

So, you can see why I welcomed 2007 with big, open arms.  This year has flown by and to be honest I 
am glad that it has, because to be quite blunt… it sucked.

I fear what the beginning of 2008 holds for me and my family; I have two family members battling cancer and one who is currently in the hospital now for the duration… literally counting the days.  I haven’t even called him since he’s been in…  I have completely isolated myself because I just do not want to deal with anymore death and depression.   I am not so naive to think that everyone will live forever, but I just wish that the people I loved didn’t have to suffer or be in pain.

I will again welcome this New Year with open arms… I just hope that this time next year, this entry has 
a completely different message.

I wish everyone a fantastic and safe New Year.   Take care of yourselves…